AP Newswire
BearPoop, WI USA
Today, a tearful BeefPieBear stood at the podium, weeping uncontrollably, as he struggled to speak. Like any good dirty whoring cheating Republican politician, he admitted to the lies, deception and failures of his tenure - asked for forgiveness, then continued on his merry, beary way.
"I lied. To my friends, to my family, to the world. You can't really turn into a Big Giant Hairy Gay Burly Massive BEEFPIE on only 10 minutes of exercise a day. My 'BeefPieBear's 10-Minute BEEF-UP Makeover Challenge' was a tragic failure -- Morally, ethically, physically."
It goes without saying: Like any good marketing whore - BeefPieBear announced a vastly NEW IMPROVED BIGGER AND BETTER EXERCISE SCHEME! Tune into BeefPieBear on 12Sseconds.tv video site for B.P.'s revolutionary new TIME-SAVING "12 Second Hardcore BodyBuilding Workout" for even more bullsh*t -- in less time!
